{"id":424,"date":"2020-03-07T15:40:51","date_gmt":"2020-03-07T14:40:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vlindereffecten.be\/?p=424"},"modified":"2020-03-07T15:40:52","modified_gmt":"2020-03-07T14:40:52","slug":"adviseren-of-provoceren","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vlindereffecten.be\/en\/adviseren-of-provoceren\/","title":{"rendered":"Adviseren of provoceren?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Soms wil je iemand gerust stellen maar bereik je daar net\nhet tegenovergestelde mee.  Of je geeft\nraad maar voor elk advies krijg je een nieuw probleem. Het kan ook anders\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Allen Fay vertelt over een vrouw die haar man steevast\nvraagt om advies over haar kleding en hoe erg de arme man zijn best doet, het\nantwoord is nooit genoeg. Herkenbaar bij veel mannen waarschijnlijk? De\nconversatie gaat dan ongeveer als volgt[1]<\/a>:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVrouw: Is deze goed?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man: Ja, die is goed,\nprima<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrouw: Weet je het\nzeker?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man: Ja, heel zeker.\nIk hou van deze in het bijzonder, maar je ziet er uitstekend uit in al de\njurken die je hebt aangetrokken. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrouw: Dat is niet zo; aan jou heb ik niets.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Er werd hem voorgesteld om het eens anders aan te pakken:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVrouw: Is deze in orde?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man: Nee, de\nachterkant is gekreukt. Hij is ongeveer twee millimeter te lang en ziet er\ngrotesk uit. Bovendien zit er een duidelijk zichtbare vlek op die er vreselijk\nlelijk uitziet. Daar komt bij, dat de kleur je helemaal niet staat en dat de\nzoom ongelijk is.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vrouw: (Lachend) Je\nbent gek.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Daarmee wil ik geen pleidooi houden om nu voortaan elke\nvraag van ons, vrouwen, over kleding te beantwoorden op deze manier. Maar het\nillustreert wel hoe een beetje provocatie helpt om \u00e9\u00e9n en ander te relativeren\nof je gesprekspartner aan te moedigen zelf oplossingen te zoeken.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

[1]<\/a> Fay Allen, Hoe erger hoe beter<\/em>, de paradox in de therapie, Haarlem, 1980, blz. 96<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Soms wil je iemand gerust stellen maar bereik je daar net het tegenovergestelde mee.  Of je geeft raad maar voor elk advies krijg je een nieuw probleem. Het kan ook anders\u2026 Allen Fay vertelt over een vrouw die haar man steevast vraagt om advies over haar kleding en hoe erg de arme man zijn best […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":426,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-geen-categorie","clear"],"yoast_head":"\nAdviseren of provoceren? - Vlindereffecten<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Adviseren of provoceren?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vlindereffecten.be\/en\/adviseren-of-provoceren\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Adviseren of provoceren? 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