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Kerst of oudjaar alleen

7 Tips for Celebrating Christmas and New Year When You're Alone.

Brenda Casteleyn

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” – Robin Williams

These days can be challenging if you are alone or missing someone. However, there are ways to get through them unscathed. Here are 7 tips for celebrating Christmas and New Year's Eve alone.

Tip 1. Go for a Walk or Do a Solid Workout

Start with a brisk walk or engage in some sports. Not only is it healthy, but it also improves your mood. Choose a beautiful natural area for your walk, or surprise yourself by blindly picking a spot on the map. This might lead you somewhere new, starting your day with fresh impressions. If a walk is physically challenging, consider a lighter activity like a short walk in your neighborhood or some simple exercises at home. The goal is to keep your body active in a way that is comfortable and refreshing.  

Tip 2. Pamper Yourself

This is the perfect time to pamper yourself. Take a long bath or a warm shower, and make self-care a pampering ritual. Dress in a way that boosts your confidence - whether it's something festive or your favorite comfortable outfit. Also, pamper yourself with food. Prepare a special dinner for yourself with all your favorite dishes, or order something special. And don't forget to give yourself a small gift as a token of self-love.

Tip 3. Make It Cozy

A neat and cozy environment can improve your mood. This doesn't have to mean a big clean-up; sometimes tidying up a few small things can make a big difference. Add some extra atmosphere with candles, soft lighting, or your favorite music in the background.

Tip 4. Choose a Favorite Activity

Whether it's reading a good book, watching a movie or series on Netflix, or listening to your favorite music, make sure you do something you really enjoy. If you're creatively inclined, consider drawing, painting, crafting, or writing.

Tip 5. Do Volunteer Work, Go on a Date, or Seek Contact with People

If you're looking for interaction with others, volunteering is a great way to be meaningfully busy and meet new people. If you're feeling adventurous, try a dating app and see what new connections you can make. Virtual contact with friends or family can also provide a sense of connection.

Tip 6. Cherish Memories and Maintain a Positive Mindset

Take the time to be grateful for happy memories and focus on the positive aspects of your life. This can help you feel more connected to what you're currently missing and focus on the good things you've experienced.

Tip 7. Reflect and Plan for the Future

Use this time of peace and solitude for self-reflection and future planning. Think about what you have achieved in the past year and what your goals are for the coming year. Write down your thoughts and goals in a journal. This can help you process your feelings and map out a positive path for the future. Reflection can also help you realize what's important to you and how you want to shape your life. Creating a vision board or making a list of New Year's resolutions can be an inspiring activity to focus on hopeful and positive aspects of your life.

In Conclusion

We wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. For all those who are spending these days alone or missing someone: lots of hugs and warm thoughts

Benjamin Franklin-effect

Improve Your Relationships with the Benjamin Franklin Effect

Brenda Casteleyn

“Do good to your friends to keep them, to your enemies to win them.” – Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, discovered a fascinating psychological phenomenon: asking for a favor can lead to greater sympathy from the giver. This paradoxical effect, known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect, remains relevant today in our daily interactions, from personal relationships to professional environments.

Historical Context: How Franklin Discovered It

Franklin stumbled upon this effect after borrowing a rare book from a political rival. Remarkably, this improved their relationship. This anecdote not only provides insight into Franklin's personal relationships but also illustrates a larger psychological principle that continues to be studied.

Understanding the Benjamin Franklin Effect

Understanding the concept of 'cognitive dissonance' is crucial to grasping the Benjamin Franklin Effect. When one helps another, the brain seeks a reason for this behavior. If you wish to assist someone whom you previously viewed negatively, it helps to adjust your opinion of that person somewhat positively to maintain consistency. We sometimes think that we do good for people we like. But the Benjamin Franklin Effect also means the opposite, namely that we come to like people for whom we do something good.

Of course, asking for help can also be seen as a compliment because you acknowledge that someone can do something better than you.

How to Utilize the Benjamin Franklin Effect

When you ask your employees for advice, it can lead to a better working relationship because the employee feels valued. But even if you ask your friends to help you move, it can strengthen your bonds. Or consider neighbors who ask each other for help and how it strengthens the social fabric of the community. Even businesses use it to make customers more loyal: they ask their customers for feedback on customer service. But today, with the numerous surveys, the request for feedback may have gone a bit overboard. This can, of course, have a counterproductive effect. Asking for help has also become a useful tool in online communities and social media. And even among business competitors, seeking help can lead to fruitful collaborations.

But be aware, this effect can also be used for clever marketing. For example, there have been marketing campaigns, such as those by Lays Chips, where customers are invited to give their opinion on a new flavor, leading to increased engagement and a more positive perception of the brand, ultimately resulting in more sales.

Do You Sometimes Struggle to Ask for Help from Someone? Consider that the Benjamin Franklin Effect may lead to a better relationship with that person.

Recommended Reading: David McRaney, You Can Beat Your Brain, How to turn your enemies into friends, how to make better decisions and other ways to be less dumb, 2013.

Gekookte Kikker Syndroom

"The Boiled Frog Syndrome: Why You Often Notice Change Too Late"

Brenda Casteleyn

The Boiled Frog Syndrome is a metaphor used to describe people's tendency to ignore or belatedly notice changes in their environment, even when those changes could be potentially dangerous. The idea behind it is simple: if you were to throw a frog into boiling water, it would immediately jump to escape. However, if you place the frog in cold water and gradually heat it, the frog will simply sit there until it's too late.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, I'm not a frog, so this doesn't apply to me." But the Boiled Frog Syndrome is actually a quite apt analogy for human behavior. You've undoubtedly experienced moments when you ignored changes in your life, whether related to your health, finances, relationships, or work.

Here are a few examples:

1. The Sneaky Weight and Stress Gain

  • When I had successfully completed a diet, it was just a matter of "maintaining my weight." But after a while, I gained a little weight back. It seemed insignificant compared to the pounds I had lost, so I didn't pay much attention to it. But before I knew it, my favorite pair of jeans no longer fit. The Boiled Frog Syndrome in action! But what if you let your stress build up in the same way? After some time, you might realize that you've fallen into a full-blown burnout .

2. The Financial Hangover

  • You start ignoring your monthly credit card bills because the amount is slightly higher than usual. You continue to spend, thinking it's not a big deal. Until you notice that you're deep in debt and have no idea how it got to that point. And if you continue to bury your head in the sand, you might even lose control to the extent that you can't afford to pay your rent anymore. In the worst-case scenario, you could end up completely homeless. This is the extreme worst-case scenario of the Boiled Frog Syndrome in financial matters, where all those minor financial setbacks lead to life on the streets.

3. The Relationship Disaster

  • You've sensed tension in your relationship for a while, but you choose to ignore it, hoping it will go away on its own. Spoiler alert: it usually doesn't. The Boiled Frog Syndrome can let relationships simmer just like slowly heating water. An extreme case of the Boiled Frog in relationships is when you get entangled with a narcissist because these individuals are exceptionally skilled at using this syndrome to slowly ensnare their victims. A narcissist may begin with subtle manipulation and gradually take control without you even noticing. Before you know it, you're deeply trapped in a suffocating relationship, and you're unsure how to escape .

So, how do you avoid becoming a "boiled frog"? It all starts with awareness and proactive action. Be attentive to changes in your life, no matter how small they seem, and take them seriously. If you notice something is amiss, act before the situation reaches a boiling point.

In short, don't be a "frog" ensnared by the Boiled Frog Syndrome. Recognize changes in your life, take action, and prevent yourself from getting burned, or in this case, burned by life itself. Because, let's be honest, who wants to end up like a frog? ??

When was the last time you were a victim of the Boiled Frog Syndrome?

Twee mensen in een restaurant lachen terwijl ze hun technologie gebruiken, een illustratie van technologie in relaties

Technology in Relationships: 7 Tips to Find Digital Balance

Brenda Casteleyn

“Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.” – Christian Lange

These days, I catch myself constantly checking my phone. With my watch also connected, I'm alerted with every post on any platform. It feels like I spend more time in the digital world than in the real one. But what exactly is the impact of technology on our relationships? I've gathered 7 tips to make the most out of the digital world while avoiding the pitfalls.

Tip 1. Enrich Your Communication

Thanks to technology, you can now chat with your loved one even if you're thousands of miles apart. You can have deep conversations online with friends or even your psychologist. However, there's a danger in replacing physical interactions with digital ones, losing real intimacy and depth. Use digital communication as a supplement, not a replacement. Remember, text messages can lead to misunderstandings. For important conversations, it's sometimes better to call or meet in person.

Tip 2. Be Aware of Selective Information

Nowadays, all information is easily accessible. But the photos of your friends on that exotic beach don't tell the whole story. Make sure you don't solely rely on what you see online. Take the information you get from (social) media with a grain of salt and occasionally ask your friends how they're genuinely doing.

Tip 3. Digital Introduction, Authentic Connection

Dating apps have transformed the way we meet people. While it's easier than ever to meet new people, it can also foster superficiality. Use technology as a tool to connect, but transition to personal meetings to discover the real person behind the profile.  

Tip 4. Find Your Availability Balance

The pressure to always be reachable can be overwhelming. Maybe you feel it's essential for your kids, boss, or partner to reach you at all times. But what's the downside? There's no longer a moment where you can truly be in the 'now', free from being 'available'. Perhaps consider letting your contacts and family know that you won't be online all the time, so you can schedule 'phone-free' zones or times, allowing you to truly enjoy the moment.

Tip 5. Cherish Moments of Silence  

You never have to feel bored nowadays. Waiting for the tram? Scroll through social media or play an online game. Your phone is always there to entertain during moments of boredom. But boredom serves a purpose; it allows you to slow down and be mindful, reducing stress. Ensure you occasionally schedule empty moments to enjoy the stream of thoughts passing by, rather than filling them with the noise of the internet, freeing you from constant notifications.

Tip 6. Joint Technological Activities

Sometimes, I text my significant other, who's just a floor above, to ask something. It's convenient, but if you're continuously sending messages from different rooms in the same house, you might slowly lose real contact. Use technology for joint activities: play games together, watch movies, or listen to music. Discuss your thoughts about using technology in your relationship. Consider taking a walk without phones for genuine contact with each other and the surroundings.

Tip 7. Conscious Online Shopping

Almost anything can be purchased online nowadays - groceries, meals, books, or kitchen gadgets. It's undoubtedly convenient, but there are downsides. Maybe you're tempted to buy things you didn't really need. Or you get your food delivered instead of enjoying shopping and cooking together. Shopping and cooking can be enjoyable shared experiences.

Conclusion

Technology can indeed enrich your relationships, but it's essential to use it consciously. Actively reflecting on your digital habits can let you enjoy its benefits while steering clear of its pitfalls.

I'm also curious about your experiences. How does technology influence your relationships? Share your thoughts.